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Frequent questions | |
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He asks the doctor | |
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Beginning | |
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THE DUEL | |
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 DEFINITION AS TO HELP TO SEE TO CONSULT |
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The duel happens after any class of loss, although it is usually more intense after the death of some dear being. It is not the only feeling, but rather a finished succession of feelings that are necessary certain time to be overcome, without being possible shortening this period of time. In a few hours or days that continue to the death of a nearby relative or of a friend, most of the affected ones feel simply bewildered or confused since they do not go so far as to believe what really has happened. This sensation can take place although the death had been waited. This numbness or emotional drowsiness can be helpful at the time of confronting the important assignments that it is necessary to carry out after the death, such like contacting with other relatives and the organization of the funeral. Nevertheless, this unreality sensation can become a problem if he persists for the long time. Soon, nevertheless, it eliminates this whirl that is usually replaced by an intense sensation of agitation and feeling of unease with wish of the deceased person. The affected one by the duel lodges in some way the desire to meet the deceased although he knows that this is clearly impossible. This is difficult relaxing or to concentrate on any activity, as well as also sleeping appropriately turns out to be difficult. The sleep can be extremely disturbing. Some persons can feel that they "see" his person loved in any place to which they go - the street, the park, together in advance. Affected often they feel much "angered" in this moment of the duel, and they it are usually with the doctors and nurses who did not avoid his death, with his relatives and friends who did not make the sufficient thing, or even with the deceased person because it has left them. Another common feeling in the process of the duel is usually that of fault. The persons in duel often think about all those things that they should like saying and/or doing and that were not possible. They even can go so far as to think that they might have acted of a different form and that this could have avoided the death of his dear being. This feeling is natural, extremely understandable and very frequent. According to the agitation it diminishes, the depression periods they become more frequent and reach his maximum intensity at 4 a.m. or 6 weeks of the death. The moments of big affliction or sorrow can happen in any moment, unleashed by persons, places or things that they remind to the deceased person. In the course of time, the intense pain of the initial phase of the duel begins to disappear. The depression diminishes and begins if possible to think about other things and even the glance towards the future.Most of the persons in duel usually recover in the first or second year after the death. The final phase of the process of duel is the desvinculación of the deceased person and the beginning of a new type of life. The depression disappears completely, the sleep improves and the energy level returns to the normality. The sexual desire, which can have disappeared in some time, now will return - this is quite normal and by no means it is necessary to be ashamed of it.
The relatives and friends can help dedicating time to the person who is in duel. Too many consolation words do not need but rather the will to be with them during the period of time of his pain and sorrow. A kind arm on the shoulders will express attention and support when the words are not sufficient. With the time, they will be able to overcome it, but first they need to speak and cry. The comprehension can turn out to be difficult to some persons porqué the one that is in duel persists in speaking on the same repeatedly, but this is part of the normal process of resolution of the duel and must be stimulated. If you do not know that to say, or he even does not know if speak on it or not, is honest and say it. This will give to the person in duel an opportunity to express his desire to him, what is what he wants. Often the others avoid mentioning the name of the person died by fear of the disorder that this could cause. Nevertheless, the person in duel can interpret this fact like which the others have forgotten his loss, adding a solitude sensation to his pain feelings. It must be remembered that the festive occasions and the anniversaries (not only of the death but also of the wedding or the birthday) are particularly painful moments in which the relatives and friends must do a special effort to be close to the person afflicted by the duel. The practical help with the cleanliness, the buys or the care of the children can relieve the surcharge that implies being alone. The aged spouses in duel can be necessary help with those assignments that the deceased spouse usually assumed, like taking charge of the invoices, cooking, the works of the house, checking the car, etc. It is important granting to the person in duel the time sufficient for the overcoming of the same one. Some persons seem to overcome the loss quickly, but others are necessary more time. This way, it is not suitable to demand too soon of a friend or relative in duel, since they are necessary time to overcome it of a suitable form that avoids problems in the future. |
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DEFINITION |
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